With October in the books, it seemed only appropriate to provide a monthly does of inanity from old Winterfylleth.
To be sure, there were many candidates. From the Occupy Wall Street protests, to Kim Kardashian's divorce, to Herman Cain's 9-9-9 tax plan, the month of October had no shortage of individuals competing in a race to the bottom.
But in the words of Jack Donaghy, sometimes you have to climb down into the crevasse. And waiting at the bottom of this dark, dark chasm was the following advice from a normally irreproachable source, Life Hacker.
The topic was mundane enough - what actions should one take when being chased by a dog? It would seem there would be plenty of sensible courses of action that one could take. Running, for example, strikes me as a perfectly reasonable response. Shrieking for help seems to me a close second in reasonability. Walking softly and carrying a big stick, sounds to me like a distant, albeit third, reasonable alternative.
Life Hacker's advice?
Learn How to Bark a Dog Down to Get It to Stop Chasing You
Short of wearing a meat dress and running through a pound, it's actually difficult for me to think of worse advice for Life Hacker to give. Being but a human guinea pig, your humble blogger tested this theory of 'barking a dog down,' while enduring a deluge of kisses from my Pit Bull Alexas.
The result was four-fold:
1. Kept kissing
3. Cocked her head sideways
4. Wagged her tail vigorously
5. Resumed the deluge of kisses
Given that my dog is incredibly docile and the advice still failed miserably, I'm highly skeptical that an angry dog would be even remotely phased by a human's lame attempts to bark.
A far better solution is to order the dog to her crate. And reward her with a peanut-butter-filled Kong Toy when you feel guilty later.