Obligatory Royal Wedding Post

As an American, I'm genetically predisposed to loathe all things 'monarch.' But rumor has it that Prince Bill married a Muggle (or commoner) across the pond, and this is allegedly a big deal.

My wife and I actually had the opportunity to stay up and watch the Royal Wedding last night. Here in Tucson we were up around 1AM watching back episodes of Parks & Recreation, no less. After concluding that sleep was a wiser option than, admittedly, clever entertainment, we attempted to hit the sack.

Without so much as a whisper, our Pit Bull, Alexas, suddenly had an angry bout of explosive diarrhea all over the floor. Never again, will our little dog enjoy the delicacies of raw steak. Aside from being a bit surprising, the impromptu defecation necessitated at least another hour of clean up. Somewhere between swear words, we suddenly realized that we were only about an hour or two away from the ceremony.

Apparently, nothing triggers memories of British Royalty quite like cleaning up doggy poo.

Even so, with the pooch situation deftly handled, we nonetheless refused to watch the 'Royal Wedding.' (By the by, Woollite's Heavy Traffic Carpet Cleaner is amazing).

My view of the event is probably similar to that of a typical, rank-and-file, stupid-American troglodyte. But it's nothing if not simply stated: America fought a revolution so that we needn't bother ourselves with the affairs of the British Monarchy. So, it makes little sense for a free people to, well, bother ourselves with the affairs of the British Monarchy.

Still, the event was the sixth-biggest web event of all-time (notably situated behind the America's 2010 Midterm Elections), so I felt it deserved a mention. Perhaps it's Karma, but a curious twist of fate also left me without my morning coffee. I was forced to drink tea with a splash of lemon, thank you very much.

And with that somewhat dire sacrifice from Pax Plena, Godspeed, Bill and Kate! May your special day be a $64 million example of love to all British subjects as they face some of the steepest austerity measures in decades.

Note: Photo Courtesy of E! Online.