On Going Home

Most nights before a long trip find me awake in the early morning hours. I suspect I have a slight case of insomnia as this occurs more often than not of late but why not use the idle time to be productive in blogging?

Speaking of which, blogging will be slow over the Labor Day weekend. It is fair to say that this will be among my last productive attempts. I am finally taking a much needed break from the grind of work. Fortunately, the trip comes at an opportune time when my life needs grounding- a grounding only found on my beloved, windswept plains.

In all, I am greatly looking forward to returning to Walters. The agenda is pretty fluid but then again, it always is. An OU Sooners football game is on the docket for Saturday. And church on Sunday will be with the family. Other than that, not much planned.

What always amazes me about these sorts of trips is that the experience of change conjures up so many thoughts. I find that when I go back, I have changed only slightly in my mind, yet I see so many new and unexpected changes occur among the people there. This is not to say that they will have changed their temperament or that the changes will be dramatic. But it is really just the little things which become so pronounced. More gray hairs for my mother. Maybe a half-inch taller for my sisters. A new plant in a different location. The best analogy is that it is like a time capsule into which you could place individuals and locations, only to open it up some eight months later and see what has happened. Most of the differences will be subtle, yet screaming of newness only to me.

From an emotional perspective, a part of me misses home greatly for its bedrock nature. Life since graduation has been in a near constant state of flux. People have routinely come and gone from my life to the point that understanding such rapid change is an almost foolhardy prospect. My approach has been to shelve these thoughts for want of routine. Repeated action has a way of dulling anything irksome or painful with the smooth opiate of monotony. But for me, home and family are the real solution to the quandary. They have staying power. When the sod cliffs of fleeting interactions fall away, my family is the bedrock which stands undiminished. For better or worse, they are always there. Mostly for better.

If I had to summarize, I think what I am beginning to realize is that until I find my “the one” and begin my own family, Walters, OK and all of the people who are associated with it are my only constants. Transient are the people of my age group, and loathe are they to place any permanent attachment on anything- be it jobs, locations or people. Sometimes I forget this living in Boston among so many similar individuals. But the reality is that not everyone my age is like this. As a person who values constancy and a fixed course, this provides a great deal of comfort and Walters underscores the point all the more.

Of course, absent in this entire discussion is the role of the Lord and seeking His will. Ironically, it is for this reason that I left Walters in the first place. I have no doubt that it was the proper course back in the fall of 2001. I also have no doubt that I will return to Oklahoma to continue my pursuit of His call for my life. In the end, however, I find only His Faithfulness sustains. People will always disappoint. Even family will falter from time to time.

Yet the Lord alone remains. I can always return home with Him.